1.5.2003

Dunno if every family has its holiday routine, here's mine: dad wakes up at 8 or 830 to do housework (clean the kitchen/ toilet, hand wash the clothes), starts making breakfast around 10 and makes as much noise as he can to wake everybody up at a time. During breakfast we watch world channel no matter what it shows, normally it's Yan Can Cook or something like Technology Today (though subtitle is not necessary provided and my folks dun speak English). After breakfast I wash the dishes (sometimes) then go net surfing while mum watches stupid TV programme with dad till 1 o'clock news. After news, they turn off everything and go to sleep. Sometimes I sleep too, sometimes I watch VCD or continue netsurfing. Today I watch 'about a boy'. I did watch it in the cinema but it's one of those movie you wanna watch again. Still laugh, aloud. But when it ends with Marcus' smile, I know it's not that funny after all. Having waken up by my mum on Wednesday morning, saying that she had fever all night and feeling thirsty implying she got SARS, or having seen her crying in front me saying she can't do nothing to herself certainly undermine my enjoyment in the movie. I can't help but feeling for Marcus, who's afraid to go home to see his mum tries to kill herself again. And I found myself singing 'killing me softly' in my head again. The thing about depression is, it changes my mum from a 好姨-like middle-age cheerful woman to an older 藍潔英. There's no way you can imagine what she's up to. One day she came to me and told me her new 法號 is 阿悟, the next day she told me she felt like jumping off the edge. I got the feeling that if she's not getting this out of her head, it'll get into my head. I dun even cry no more, nor worry. I just scare. (try to write in english so to make it less heavy and real as it sounds)